In which our fair writer starts to get desperate.

Word count: 43,544.
Should be at: 45,000.

I really wanted to get there but it's so daunting. I don't know what part of our brain tricks us. I should be thinking, look at all of the words that I wrote! and yet I am thinking, look at the words I have left to finish! This novel is terrible! It's actually not terrible. I mean I haven't reread the thing and while it's not going to win any major awards it's not like The Happening in novel form. It involves a plant but it's not a plant that drives you to kill yourself. God, what a great movie.

I'm just stalled. If I don't finish tomorrow it will be all right. I still technically have until Tuesday. I say technically because it would be great to be finished before then. When I got to crunch time on papers at college I would just start typing and eventually something would start to click. Once when I had to write a paper on The Taming of the Shrew I started quoting a Sleater-Kinney song and by god, that paper got written. I think I even managed to link the two together. Sometimes after I finished a paper I was terrified that the professor would read it and discover that I had no idea what I was talking about...I do miss writing papers. Nerdy but true. When I watch bad movies or tv I want to write papers about them. I have a vision of writing a brilliant literary dissertation on I Know Who Killed Me. You have no idea of the literary theory thatI can find in that movie. I hope I was a French theorist in a past life.

I had a terrible day at work. When I'm at the restaurant, I become the worst version of myself. It maddens me becuase I've had much more stressful jobs and handled myself much better. I think of times when kids were fighting with each other or throwing things or going off on me or walking out of doors and I remained calm; yet today I was faced with a window of food that I was supposed to magically get to tables and I lost it big time. Of course it's somehow easier to remain calm when you need to be putting on a good face. I feel pretty trapped when I'm there. Also I finished the bag of M&M's at the place where I'm dogsitting. Those things are like crack, I swear. I mean I've never done crack but really who needs it when M&M's are cheaper and legal. I did see a crack pipe once...stick a fork in me, Jerry. I'm done.